Sometimes the thin line between fantasy and reality blurs..am I really me...Is that really you? why do you feel like my enemy when you come dressed as my friend? My soul is as Barren as a desert..yet you look to me for salvation? Am I your savior..? or am I every inner demon you've ever struggled to overcome......?

It would seem that It is my curse to forever hurt those who care about me. Those I let too close always seem to end up infected with the same disease....the sickness of the damned. I cannot count the number of those who have tried to change this..angels of mercy who's only sin was that of trying to understand what cannot be explained. angels of mercy who end up crucified on a cross of their own emotion. Those I care for I find myself pulling back from for fear of further spreading this curse that I seem to carry. Its better they think me somewhat cold then to know the sorrow of flying too close to my flame and the pain of being burned by that which I simply cannot control.

I could spend a lifetime saying "I'm sorry" and still not really understand exactly what it is Im sorry for...I have never intentionally hurt anyone I care for...It just seems I change them in a way ..A way that they certainly do not wish. Its not something I have any real control over..its going to be a lonely existance...welcome to my world.

I sometimes wonder how many people actually understand that our dying day draws closer from the second we are born...From the time we breathe our fisrt breath we grow ever closer to taking our last. Its for that very reason that I live each day as tho it may BE my last, to grab as much out of the hours as I possibly can. My style of wrestling has been called "suicidal" by some. I prefer to think of it as going for all my body will allow me to withstand and not being afraid of the consequences. If I were to die today...I've lived more than many three times my age.

Dont be afraid to go for the things you want out of life. You get one...use it...or LOSE it!

Sometimes I feel as though a slow but steady change is coming over me. Things I did and said, people and places I've left behind all seem to haunt me more as of late. While that may seem rather natural to most, It somehow effects me in an odd sort of way in the sense that I see these people and places as not really part of MY past..but someone elses. Someone I used to know very well...someone I could trust...but someone I'm not any longer.

An old friend told me not so very long ago that I'd changed...I'd call it evolved really. I look in the mirror now and see a far different being. Is it for the better or the worse...? I really can't say yet.

I stayed awake last night thinking exacty what kind of world we live in that offers protection to criminals who prey upon the very weakest of souls..yet could not protect a 7 year old girl from years of torment, abuse, and finally murder. The sad fact is that the only thing that those who victimize others truly FEAR is to be victimized themselves. Some say violence begets violence...I say the threat of violence can sometimes dissuede violence. It would be great if we lived in a peaceful world but the fact is we do not...and never will. I derive no pleasure from my violence other than the satisfaction of knowing it was violence well earned

When you are 7 years old, scared & virtually abandon by those who need only love and protect you, life is a thing you wake up dreading each day. Today I woke up knowing that in some small way this incident has shed a light on the darkest corner of humanity. there are now a few others in the world who can understand that peace is an Ideal LONG lost...for without the threat of greater violence there will only be anarchy.

It sometimes seems as though if there were 35 hours in a day It would still be impossible to accomplish all I need to do...

If those who say they care for you nonetheless attempt to change you...who is it they ACTUALLY care about?

There will always be those who look to make you as miserable as they are...feel pity for them not anger because they are TRULY lost...

Whoever said lovers come and go, but friends last forever is either VERY niave or a liar..

Blood does NOT come out of your hair on first washing...no matter HOW much shampoo you use..

opinions are like assholes..everybody has one.

It would seem that there are those who's sole purpose in life is to spread the hatred and bitterness they themselves must live with each and every day of their existance. I have tried in vain to turn the other cheek until I am no longer even sure who are my friends and who are my enemies....

Let the others drink the poison of their lies and deceit...let the faceless ones who hide in the shadows of their own damnation be brought into the light and shown for what they really are...

Its an odd time in my existance...and I'm about to share the wealth of the pain!

(not one of MARKS better days either TBH...I really can't understand people sometimes. You offer your hand and they shake it moments before plunging a knife into your back. I never claimed to be perfect..I'm FAR from it..but I do care about those who enter my life and I am loyal to my friends..its not a question of even TRYING to be that way..its the only way I know